In life, we often make hasty decisions based on situations that don’t directly involve us. Relationships are frequently damaged because we rush to pick sides between people who both expect our support – even in conflicts where we could have chosen neutrality. Many of us have experienced those tough moments where we feel pressured to take a side, and, being human, we often do – leading to strained relationships with family or friends.
Take a simple example: two siblings arguing at home. You decide to support one over the other, when you could have just stayed out of it altogether. Over time, that choice may build quiet blocks of resentment. These moments remind us how easy it is to get caught in a situation that wasn’t ours to begin with.
As human beings, we tend to think in binaries – yes or no, positive or negative, good or bad. But there is always a “neither.” Sometimes, choosing not to choose is the right choice.
Selfishness shouldn’t be a way of life, but in situations where you’re expected to take sides in conflicts that don’t involve you, it’s okay to choose yourself. It’s important to prioritize your peace, your reputation, and your emotional well-being. You can maintain healthy relationships with others without sacrificing your own self-worth.
Carrying others’ emotional burdens can be exhausting. It’s OK not to fix everyone’s problems. It’s OK to let go of toxic relationships if doing so protects your mental health. Supporting someone occasionally doesn’t mean you’ve signed up to carry their world.
What frustrates me is when people begin to expect that kind of constant caretaking. That’s not my job. Just because I supported someone once or twice doesn’t mean they’re entitled to my ongoing help. I can’t live a balanced life with everyone expecting me to choose them every time. That’s simply not possible – so I step back and let God take control.
If your mindset is always trying to be seen as the dependable one, people will take advantage. When they get into trouble, they’ll expect you to step in – and if you can’t help, suddenly you become the problem. That’s why boundaries matter. In any relationship, people need to know where they stand, and you must learn not to pick sides every time.